Psidiac Horoscopes 1/26/16

Hey there! Psidiac (psi+zodiac) is a concise horoscope purveyor that's been running for a while on sites like Tumblr, and now it's owned by Lovejoy. Check out your sign below!

Aries: No, none of your friends think you're secretly a writer for The Onion.

Taurus: Gods don't bleed. Neither do corpses.

Gemini: Never once did a sane person think, "Oh, I should strap a timepiece to my penis." And yet, here we are.

Cancer: Props to you if you can even see through your tears at this point.

Leo: Lions actually meow. No offense to your ego.

Virgo: Getting buyer's regret from adopting a child is simply called "being an asshole."

Libra: Shooting the sheriff won't nullify the lawbook.

Scorpio: Get off your high horse and stab a man. Get that blood flowing (I won't say whose).

Sagittarius: We're all half centaur if you really think about it. Not that you will, or anything.

Capricorn: Telling someone they give off "hipster vibes" can be a back-handed compliment, depending on where you are. Where they're from, it's an insult.

Aquarius: In what alternate universe does the world not revolve around you?

Pisces: A glass of ice cold water will help dull the bitter sting of regret.

Ophiuchus: These are all copyrighted. Copy them and I will sue you.

#zodiac #horoscope #psidiac